Navigating modern times
In today’s world, even with incredible advancements in technology, rising incomes, and endless information at our fingertips, more and more people are finding themselves unhappy with their lives. Why is this happening? To find out, we spoke with Maria Makarycheva, a psychologist specializing in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), about the psychological challenges we face today.
Maria explains why many people, even those who seem to have it all, deal with constant stress and burnout. Join us as we talk with Maria and learn how to better manage the demands of modern life and improve our mental health.
Why is the number of people dissatisfied with their lives increasing every year?
We live in an amazing time. Our incomes and opportunities are constantly growing. We have access to an incredible amount of information and freedom. We use advanced technologies that simplify our daily lives.
However, despite all these achievements, the number of people dissatisfied with their lives continues to grow. This is especially noticeable among those who possess all these advantages.
What’s the reason behind this?
One of the key reasons is the social pressure of “success” and the constant comparison of oneself with others, especially through social media. We see the “perfect” lives of others and start to think that our own life isn’t good enough.
Modern society encourages multitasking and productivity, often leading to overload. People take on numerous responsibilities and projects, striving to be successful in all areas of life. This creates chronic stress and the feeling that they are falling behind and not coping. It’s important to remember that our energy is limited. For normal functioning, we need rest and the ability to simply relax.
What is true rest?
True rest includes three components: no competition, no responsibility for anyone at that moment, and enjoyment. That’s what real rest is.
What about the role of technology in mental health?
Another important factor of unhappiness is the more isolated lifestyle of modern people. Yes, our technology, ability to support ourselves, and the availability of a huge amount of food and clothing, these are wonderful things. But we still remain social beings who need another person, another living for self-identity. Therefore, isolation and limited social contacts can negatively impact psychological well-being.
How about people living in big cities?
People in big cities are almost never in silence, and thanks to electricity, it’s easy to confuse day with night and work as many hours as we see fit. And since the modern pace of life is accelerated and the demands on individuals are high, this can lead to burnout, decreased life satisfaction, and even depression.
Adding to this the massive flow and speed of information. This is unprecedented in history – the amount of information available to us daily through various channels: social media, advertising, email, television, and especially the internet. Despite information always being at our fingertips, people develop FOMO – the fear of missing out on some opportunity or something interesting. This generates increasing anxiety.
What are the consequences of such a lifestyle? How can we stop it?
If we don’t reflect on the fact that the modern pace of life, its demands, and opportunities are not always good, we may face negative consequences. Physically, this can manifest as chronic stress, insomnia, cardiovascular diseases, and other health problems. Emotionally, it can lead to burnout, depression, and anxiety disorders. Self-esteem can decrease as people constantly feel they are not good or successful enough. As a result, the overall level of life satisfaction drops, potentially leading to social alienation and a decline in the quality of life in general.
Thus, despite all the achievements and opportunities, modern people face a number of challenges that can lead to dissatisfaction with their lives.
What can be done to cope with these challenges? And to feel happier and more satisfied with your life?
It’s important to develop mindfulness and self-reflection skills. This includes developing emotional intelligence, which helps in understanding your true needs and desires.
Can you give an example of how this works?
I like the analogy that emotions, feelings are like a compass; they help us navigate through our lives. Emotion is a reaction to what happens to a person. If a traveler ignores the compass, they risk getting lost.
Similarly, if a person ignores their emotions, it’s difficult for them to understand what they like or dislike,
what activities to engage in, whom to choose as partners or friends. They drift along, trying to orient themselves based on what others say and often end up in places where they aren’t happy. However, the compass only shows where things are; it’s up to the person to decide how to use that information.
This is where Emotional Intelligence (EI) comes in. EI is primarily about recognizing one’s own feelings and understanding what causes these feelings – whether an idea or circumstance – and being able to choose how to deal with them. For example, at work, if your boss is unhappy with your work, your initial feeling might be anxiety, indicating perhaps that you don’t want to lose your job right now, which is normal. You observe that the anxiety motivates you to try even harder. If your EI is well-developed, you don’t succumb to anxiety but rather recognise it as a path to burnout. Instead, you focus on confidence, reassure yourself, find alternative explanations for what happened, or simply accept that you’re allowed to make mistakes and choose to correct them, continuing to work at a sustainable pace. That’s how it works.
What if a person lacks time for all of this, yet they genuinely want to change their life and find greater happiness with everything they already have?
This is a question of priorities. As mentioned before, many priorities are imposed by the modern world’s structure and advertising, often demanding that people forget about themselves and their happiness, preventing them from realizing what truly matters to them. Therefore, the responsibility to filter all this information and choose what to believe in, what to focus on, and how to perceive oneself lies with the individual. And yes, it’s difficult.
I know firsthand how challenging it is to let go of measuring oneself by the ruler of social success and approval, and how ingrained it is to tie one’s identity to outcomes. However, this only leads to anxiety, dissatisfaction, and depression. That’s why it’s difficult but crucial to value oneself, notice even small achievements, acknowledge one’s own pace, appreciate life, and know how to enjoy it (which is a skill that can easily be lost in the hustle and bustle).
Can you identify as a psychologist what is self-care?
I like this question! It’s definitely not about indulgences, massages, or treating oneself to good food, going on vacations. Those are ways we can care for ourselves. But whether love is present in that isn’t guaranteed. From a psychological perspective, self-love is primarily about a person’s relationship with themselves. It’s about how they speak to themselves in their inner dialogue – what tone and messages they use. If our inner dialogue is full of obligations (I must be successful), rigid rules (If I’m not successful, I’m worthless and don’t deserve kindness towards myself), criticism (This is bad! Not good enough!), demands (I must try harder), love doesn’t thrive there. It’s only when we change our inner dialogue to be friendly, compassionate, permissive, gentle, warm, and curious that love flourishes, and we become our closest and most reliable friend.